Synopsis

Someone let ABBA make a MOVIE.  OH CHRIST.

(Enter CHRIST, stage left.)

By the Numbers

• Utterly ridiculous scene changes: 207

• Utterly annoying songs: 12

• Utterly bizarre outfits: 37

• Films saved by Julie Walters: 1

• HIPPY PIERCE BROSNAN: 1

• Distressingly Speedo’d Greeks: 13

• Units of alcohol consumed by characters in this movie: 176

• Units of alcohol consumed by the script writers of this movie: 918

• Units of alcohol consumed by me while watching this movie: significant

• Average strangers-to-couple time: 24 seconds

• ABBA Factor: Over 9000

• Bollywood Factor: Over 9000000

• Over-acting Factor: Over 9000000000

• Scientific, DNA-based paternity tests: 0

Overall: 3 / 5

Nurse! Donkey testicles, quickly!