A MILITARY SONAR TEST unexpectedly unleashes the CHEESIEST FILM IN HISTORY.
By the Numbers
Inexplicably hot submarine pilots: 1
Episodes of Octonauts that are basically the same plot as this: 2
Whale meat closeups, in kilotons: 27
WHAT’S GOING ON: 1
Bottles of J2O drunk out of paper bags: 2
Shark jump height, in metres: 5000
David Caruso: 0.7
Flashes to exactly the same time and place: 304
Primary-coloured “Chemistry” potions: 26
I DON’T KNOW, YOU’RE THE EX-NAVY PALAEONTOLOGIST GURU: 1
Competency of Destroyer Captain: 0
Ships that are actually Destroyers: 0
Submarine video links: 1
Screw it, all of this. I’m going to stop commenting on the tech before I explode. This film was clearly not written by anyone who has ever been on a ship, a submarine, or possibly even seen the sea.
WHAT HAVE WE DONE: 1
Fucking FOR SCIENCE (RADIOACTIVE PHEROMONE SCIENCE): 1
Sex Henderson: 1 (NOT EVEN FUCKING KIDDING)
GIANT SEAFOOD, LLC: O_O
Overall: 0±5 / 5
You know what I haven’t done in a while? A military sonar test. IT’S GO TIME.